I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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