he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
