You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
