True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
