I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
