No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
3pm strippers are depressing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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