Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
