Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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