I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
