That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
