I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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