Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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