We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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