I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night