i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?