Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.