Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.