Pregnant stripper...not hot.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...