he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
