Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
