Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
