Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
