Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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