Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.

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(323): View more from California

If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"

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(507): View more from Minnesota

We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.

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(209): View more from California

kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

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(210): View more from Texas

I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

(917): View more from New York City

You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

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(714): View more from California

I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

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(480): View more from Arizona

im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..

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(407): View more from Florida

THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.

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