Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
