every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
