Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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