I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
