Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
