SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
