i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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