You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
