I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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