We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
