if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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