i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
im on a boat
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