my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
