We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
