Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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