why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
