Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish i was in the wii world.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
