Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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