i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
