I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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