When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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