it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
