remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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