I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
