Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
