I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
