once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
