We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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