Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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