don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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