I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
