you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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