If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
