Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
