i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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