WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
