its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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