I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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