There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
