you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
