There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
