I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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