how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want her autograph on my taint
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
