Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
