Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
