Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
