So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
