And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
