there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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