Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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