god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.