May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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