Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
