Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
