Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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