I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
