Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
