Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
