I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
