Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
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Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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