Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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