just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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